My family lost the civil war
After running from another war
I grew up learning arithmetic
And about human insanity
With unnecessary cruelty
And as I grew into a young adult
I painted canvases about pain
Mimicking Picasso’s Guernica
Women and children being tortured
Their rape the point
I cultivated their pain until it become familiar
I’d let myself take their place
I thought it made their horrors
Mean more than just nothing
I was earnest but I didn’t know the price
Of living in a life that wasn’t mine
Someone else’s pain now lives in me
Haunting me with heavy responsibility
Outside of my actual influence
So when I hear about pain in the world
I take it and make it mine
Even if its artificial, born in Hollywood
Because my body can’t tell the difference
It all seems so unfair
But what is fair? Its all fair
I get to live a beautiful life
That is the life that is mine
We get what we get and nothing less
And maybe it is all unfair
Something feels fair in that, that’s fair
I’m about to be a mother
I can feel the baby grow inside
But how can life be born
When I am torn?
I’m not ready yet
I am still so scared so I hide
I don’t want to be a mother
When I have all this pain trapped inside
